


Kiss me @ Midnight

by a1_kitkat



Category: Westlife
Genre: Boyband, Boys Kissing, Kiss & Make Up, Kissing at Midnight, M/M, New Year's Eve, Nicky loves Shane, Reconciliation, Shane Loves Nicky, Shnicky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-09
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-11 08:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3320183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1_kitkat/pseuds/a1_kitkat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's New Year's Eve & Shane is feeling lonely</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss me @ Midnight

Shane lifted the bottle of beer to his lips and took a mouthful. His eyes scanned the room, searching for a friendly face. He spotted Kian and Jodi over by the window and smiled as Kian placed a kiss on his girlfriend’s cheek. Shane turned and left the room.  
The entire house was packed with holiday celebrators. Shane agreed it was nice of his parents to host a New Years Eve party. It appeared the whole of Sligo had turned up to see in the New Year. The brunette threw his empty bottle into a garbage bag and continued walking. Everywhere he went he saw happy couples, smiling and laughing together.  
He hated spending the holidays alone. Christmas was different; he always spent it with his family but by New Year’s… His spirits were low. Seeing Kian and Jodi together… He was happy for them but he longed to have someone look at him that way.

He entered the hall and opened the front door. Shane stepped outside, pulling his jacket around him to stave off the cold. The first thing he saw was Mark and Kevin. They were in the corner on the front porch; Kevin was sitting on the railing with his arms around Mark. The brunette was standing between his legs, his hands on Kevin’s hips and he was kissing his neck.  
Shane stopped and watched them for a moment. The exchange between the couple was beautiful. It caused Shane to avert his eyes. He felt like he was intruding on an intimate moment. The kissing couple didn’t even notice him standing there.  
He turned and went back inside. He slipped into the kitchen (unnoticed) and grabbed a bottle of vodka. The brunette then went back outside. He held the bottle to him then stepped off the porch and walked though the snow. He walked around the edge of the property and headed for the nearby stable.

*

Nicky opened the back door and walked into the house. He waved to Kian and kept walking. When he reached the Kitchen, he was greeted by Shane’s mother.  
“Having a good time, Nicky?” Mae asked him.  
“Yes” Nicky replied. “It’s a… Lovely party”  
“Are you feeling okay love?”  
“I’m fine… Have you seen Shane around?”  
“Not for awhile… Maybe he’s in his old room?”  
“May I go look?”  
“Of course”  
“Thank you”

He lightly touched her arm as another gesture of thanks before turning and leaving the room. As he walked through the house, someone handed him a bottle of beer and he accepted it. He opened the bottle as he walked up the stairs and into the hall.  
Nicky nodded to unfamiliar people and walked down the hall to Shane’s childhood bedroom. He knocked before opening the door. He stepped inside and closed the door.

The room was dark so he turned the light on. Shane didn’t live here anymore but he’d made several changes over the years. A framed gold record was on the wall as well as a photograph of the five of them. He smiled at the image, taken the day they had signed their first contracts. How young they all looked!  
Nicky walked over to the book case and examined all of Shane’s trophies.  
His band mate had won many competitions through the years and he was proud of him. He reached out and picked up a 1st place ribbon. Behind it was a photograph of Shane, riding a horse. Nicky picked it up too. Shane couldn’t have been more than ten years old when the photo was taken. He looked so happy, so excited.

Nicky replaced the items he’d touched then walked over to the window. His eyes scanned the property and he noticed a light on in the stable. He walked back to the door, turned off the light and left the room. Now that he knew where Shane was he didn’t know if he should go after him.  
The blonde took a mouthful of beer, welcoming the alcohol. As he walked down the stairs, he bumped into Kian and Jodi.

“Nicky, where have you been?” Jodi asked him.  
“Looking for Shane” he admitted.  
“I saw him” Kian said.  
“When?”  
“Uh… A while ago. He didn’t look too happy”  
“I think he’s lonely” Jodi added.  
“Lonely?” Nicky asked.  
“Kian and I have been here for hours and… He just kept looking at us with such sadness in his eyes. I asked him if he was okay but he just said we make a lovely couple and then he walked away”  
“Poor Shane”  
“It’s getting late, maybe someone should find him?” Kian suggested.  
“There’s over two hours til New Year’s” Nicky said. “But I’ll go look, I think I know where he is”  
“Where?”  
“Where does he always go when he’s sad?”  
“Oh yeah” Kian smiled. “But I’m not going near those horses”  
“I know. I’ll let you know if I don’t find him”  
“Good luck”  
Nicky nodded then turned on his heel and walked away.

“What’s that all about?” Jodi asked Kian.  
“What’s what all about?” Kian answered.  
“Is he sweet on Shane?”  
“What?” Kian laughed. “No! Where would you get an idea like that?”

Nicky walked out the front door and it slammed shut behind him. He spotted Mark and Kevin together but decided not to disturb them. The couple seemed too preoccupied, he reasoned, they wouldn’t have seen Shane if he’d danced naked across the porch… Or would they?

The blonde bit his lip to hold back a laugh at his silly thought. He left them alone and walked away. Nicky crossed the yard and headed towards the stable.

*

Shane opened the door to the stable and went inside. He switched on the light and pulled the door closed behind him. The brunette opened the bottle and took a mouthful before placing it on a nearby table. He walked over to the first stall and reached out to pet the horses’ mane.

“Hey buddy” Shane whispered. “I’ll take you out for a ride tomorrow. Would you like that?” he sighed. “Like you’re going to answer me”  
He turned away and walked to the cupboard. He opened it and retrieved a couple of sugar cubes. Shane returned to the stall and fed the cubes to the horse.

The brunette backed away, picked up the bottle of alcohol and took another long swig.  
“Happy New Year, ya dumb animal” Shane snorted. Carlton Clover whined in protest.  
Shane sighed. “I’m sorry”  
He walked back over to his beloved horse, picked up a brush and started to clean the already shinny coat.  
“You know I get cranky this time of year” he explained. “You know… I don’t blame him for leaving me. All I had to do was say three little words and I couldn’t do it. Mark says them to Kevin all the time and Kian with Jodi… I just don’t like ultimatums”

He fell silent and continued fussing about his horse. He held the brush in one hand and the bottle of alcohol in the other. Shane raised the bottle once more and took another swig.

“I was scared I’d lose him” he continued. “But I ended up pushing him away”

The brunette stepped back and tossed the brush aside. He walked over to the hay loft and collapsed on top of it, still clutching the bottle in his hand. He lay on his back, staring up at the rafters. Shane sighed and closed his eyes. New Year’s had always been his least favourite holiday and this year looked to be no different.

*

Nicky pushed open the door and quietly slipped inside. The light was on and the horses were all in their stalls. The blonde pushed the door closed in an attempt to keep out the falling snow. He stopped and looked around the room, his eyes scanning the place for his band mate. Nicky opened his mouth to call out to him but he stopped.  
Several meters away, he spied Shane. The younger boy was lying on his back in the hayloft. Nicky moved a little closer then paused. Shane looked so sad and defeated, like he’d never be happy again.

The older boy continued his approach once more. He stopped just shy of the hay loft and took a deep breath. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was going to say to his friend.

“You’re missing the party” Nicky said.

Shane’s eyes snapped open and he sat up. His gaze locked onto Nicky’s and the bottle slipped from his hand.

“What are you doing here?” Shane asked him.  
“I was invited” Nicky replied.  
“I mean… Out here”  
“Was looking for you… Even tried your room but I should have known I’d find you here instead”  
“Leave me alone, Nicky”

The older boy shook his head and walked closer. He sank down into the hay and looked at Shane.  
“Please, I want to be left alone!” Shane insisted.  
“No you don’t” Nicky replied.  
“Nicky”  
“I miss you”

Shane’s eyes met Nicky’s once more and he shook his head.  
“No” Shane said. “You left me and you had every right to”  
“I was selfish” Nicky explained.  
“No, all I had to do was say three little words and you would have stayed… But I didn’t, couldn’t say them and you left… just like you said you would”  
“I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have let you go”  
“You didn’t let me go”  
“Yes, I did. I walked away from you. I thought that… If you couldn’t tell me you loved me then you obviously didn’t and would be better off with someone else”  
“I never wanted anyone else… I’ve only ever wanted you”  
“But not enough to let anyone else know. We had nearly two years together and no one knows about it. You never once told me you loved me. I could see it in your eyes and feel it in your touch but… You never SAID it! Kian, Mark, our families… They never knew what we had”  
“Two years isn’t *that* long… And it was more than a year before you said it to me. We agreed! We were fuck buddies… Nothing more”  
“That’s how it started, Shane. We were away from home and missing our friends and family. We needed the comfort and the intimacy… And we gave that to each other. Then it all changed. The way we’d look at each other; the way you would hold me and kiss me. You’re feelings changed when mine did and-“  
“And I couldn’t stop them! I didn’t want to fall in love with you”  
Shane stumbled as he climbed to his feet. Nicky reached out to help him but the brunette brushed his hand aside.

“Do you think I wanted to fall for you?” Nicky asked him. Shane stopped and slowly turned around to look at his friend.  
“I never… really… thought about it” Shane admitted.  
“I was scared of being gay… How people would react, what my parents would think of me… But the more I spent time with you, the more I realised I was in love with you. And when you would hold me and kiss me, I didn’t care about being gay. All that mattered was being with you. And I knew everything would be okay because you loved me too”  
“I… I didn’t know”  
“Of course not… We never talked about it. It took a long time for me to build up the courage to say those words to you and when I finally did you…”  
“I threw them back in your face”  
“Because you didn’t *want* to love me?”

Shane nodded. He turned his back on Nicky, not wanting the blonde to see him cry. Had he been facing Nicky, he would have seen the older boy was fighting back tears of his own.  
Nicky picked up Shane’s discarded bottle of vodka. Some of the liquid had spilled out when Shane dropped it but Nicky lifted it and swallowed a mouthful.

“I thought you stopped drinking Vodka?” Nicky asked him. Shane shrugged his shoulders.  
“It was the first bottle I grabbed” Shane confessed. “It wasn’t my first choice of drink… Not after last time”  
Nicky nodded in agreement, remembering that night all too well.

“I was so scared” Nicky said. “I’d never seen you that drunk before…”  
“Or again”  
“I didn’t leave your side the whole time”  
“It was just alcohol poisoning”  
“Kian wanted to put you on suicide watch”  
“And you volunteered”  
“I was worried about you… Terrified I was going to lose you”  
“We weren’t together anymore”  
“But I still loved you! I still do now!”

Shane shook his head and slowly sank to the ground. Nicky hurried to the brunette’s side and placed his arm around his shoulders. Shane attempted to shrug him off but Nicky refused to release him.

“Please Shane” Nicky whispered. “I love you”  
“No” Shane sobbed. “You can’t. It’s too late”  
“It’s not too late... I never gave up on you”  
“Well you should have”  
“No! I… I hate seeing you like this, Shay. Sad, alone, depressed. There’s a party going on and you’re out here, drinking yourself stupid… All alone! Don’t do this yourself, please?”

Nicky sat down on the ground and pulled Shane to him. The younger boy leaned into Nicky’s embrace, burying his face in the blonde’s chest. He felt Nicky’s arms around him and eventually his body stopped shaking. Shane closed his eyes as Nicky’s hands calmed him.

“Its okay, Shay” Nicky whispered. “You’re not alone anymore”  
These words caused Shane to pull away from Nicky’s comforting arms and stare at the blonde. His eyes were filled with tears. Nicky reached out to touch Shane’s cheek but the younger boy shied away.

“I deserve to be alone” Shane insisted. “I wasn’t fair to you”  
“Then I forgive you” Nicky told him.  
“I’m not asking for forgiveness, Nix”  
“But I’m offering it. I want to be with you again”

Now Shane could see the tears in Nicky’s eyes. It pained him to see Nicky suffering such hurt. Shane knew he was the reason Nicky was in such pain. Had he not been so scared and been able to tell Nicky how he felt about him, they never would have been apart.  
This time, he was the one who reached out and gently touched Nicky’s cheek. The blonde closed his eyes and a tear slipped from the corner. It met with Shane’s finger and he retracted his hand.

“I don’t deserve you” Shane whispered to Nicky.  
“Who cares about deserving? We belong together!” Nicky insisted.  
“No, I… I’ve hurt you more than you’ll ever admit… I can’t do that to you anymore”

Shane climbed to his feet and walked to the door. He threw it open, hurried outside and slammed the door closed behind him. Nicky remained seated on the ground, staring at the closed door. He raised the bottle to his lips once more and had another drink.

*

Shane hurried across the yard, hugging his jacket to him and lowering his face to the weather. He hated himself for leaving Nicky behind in the stable but he knew if he’d stayed there much longer, he would have kissed Nicky. He would have pulled the blonde to him, looked into his eyes and told him how much he loved him.  
Instead, he’d gotten up and he ran away… Just like the last time.

He reached his parents house and stopped. Mark and Kevin were still on the porch. Their arms were still wrapped around each other and they were kissing. Shane quietly moved towards them. They looked so happy and content with each other. They were completely at ease and so clearly in love. No one was judging or condemning them. Everyone was happy for them.

As Shane gazed at them, his eyes played tricks on him. He was no longer seeing Mark and Kevin but himself and Nicky; holding each other close, exchanging tender kisses, whispering words of affection in each other’s ears. Shane shook his head. He blinked and the image instantly faded.  
His heart started to pound and his chest tightened. He struggled to breath, his hand clutching his chest. Shane wasn’t sure if he was hyperventilating or having a panic attack.

He sank to his knees and sat in the snow, forcing himself to calm down. As quickly as it started, the feeling passed and he started to breath clearly again. Unsure of what had just happened, he slowly stood up and made his way back to the house. The brunette slipped around to the backyard, not wanting to walk past Mark & Kevin.

Once in the yard, he walked up to the gazebo; happy to find it deserted. He reasoned everyone must be inside because of the cold and the lightly falling snow. Shane collapsed on the swing seat. He continued to rub his chest, still unsure what had transpired in the front yard. The brunette lay down on the seat, hugging his jacket tightly. He didn’t want to go back inside but he wasn’t sure what else to do.  
He was sure that, by now, Nicky would have left the barn and returned to the party. So he couldn’t risk returning to the party himself. The snow was starting to fall even heavier and Shane watched it in mild fascination.

He’d been alone and sad. Nicky had come to him and told him he still loved him. The blonde had said he didn’t have to be alone anymore and Shane had rejected him. Why?  
“What’s wrong with me?” Shane sobbed. “Why couldn’t I say it?”

The brunette rolled over and lay on his back. He blinked back a tear and took a deep breath. By now, he was getting restless. He stood up and began to pace around the confined space of the gazebo.  
“It’s not that hard” Shane scolded himself. “I love you too Nicky! That’s all I had to say”

“You what?”

Shane turned around and saw Kian leaning against the railing.  
“Kian!”  
The younger boy was looking at him. A look of confusion and, was that, amusement on his face? Kian brushed some of the snow off his jacket then walked over to the seat Shane had just vacated.

“Jodi was right?” Kian asked.  
“About what?” Shane enquired.  
“Nicky was looking for you earlier and when he walked away… Jodi asked me if he was sweet on you. I… I laughed at the thought but maybe I shouldn’t have?”  
Shane sighed. “You know how much I hate New Years”  
“Only when you’re alone… When you have someone to celebrate it with, you’re a whole different person”

“Nicky and I were together” Shane confessed, unable to look at Kian.  
“What?” Kian asked him.  
“It was some time ago… And we started sleeping together. It was nothing more than sex. We were lonely and offered each other comfort. The fact that I could be gay… It never once crossed my mind. It went on for months. Nearly two years actually... And one day, I woke up and realised I’d fallen in love with him… And he with me… Then, one day, I realised we weren’t having sex anymore… We’d make love… And I hated myself for it”  
“Oh Shane”  
“One night, he looked into my eyes and told me he loved me. I didn’t know what to do or to say and I panicked. He asked me if I loved him and I said nothing. The next day, he left me and I was too ashamed to try and win back”  
“You miss him?” Shane nodded.  
“Still love him?” he nodded again.  
“And he still loves you?” a third nod.

“So what went wrong? He was looking for you… Did he find you?” Kian asked.  
“He found me” Shane admitted. “He said he missed me and that he forgives me”  
“Well, what are you doing here then? Shouldn’t you be with him?”  
“I pushed him away again… Told him I didn’t deserve him. Kian, he belongs with someone who’s going to treat him fairly, not the way I treated him”  
“There’s still time to make things right” Kian began. “I heard what you said before. You love him, Shane”  
“But I was mean to him”  
“In the past… You were scared, he understands… He’s forgiven you for it”  
“I didn’t ask him to!”  
“But he did… Because he loves you”  
“No” Shane shook his head. “I don’t want to be gay!”

“It’s not a choice, Shane” Kian began. He reached out and placed his hand on Shane’s arm. “You can’t choose to be gay or straight. It’s just who you are”  
“It’s easy for you to say” Shane snapped. “You’re straight”  
“Then look at Mark and Kevin… Do you think they *wanted* to be like that? You can’t help who you are”  
“But what if I did this to myself? All those nights I spent in Nicky’s bed, when I should have been looking for a girlfriend”  
“It’s normal to second guess yourself Shane but… The question you should be asking yourself right now isn’t ‘am I gay’ but ‘do I love Nicky’”  
“Of course I love Nicky”  
“So tell him!”  
“I can’t”  
“Fine” Kian stepped aside and began to walk away from Shane. “Stay here, be alone and miserable if you really want”  
“Kian”  
“I’m not going to feel sorry for you if you’re choosing to be alone. You could be with Nicky if you really wanted to. I don’t know what your problem is but I hope you get over it soon”

Kian stepped off the gazebo and crossed the yard. Shane watched him leave, Kian’s words swirling around in his mind. He sighed in defeat and sank back down on the swing. The brunette looked back towards the house and saw Kian.  
Jodi, Mark & Kevin were all waiting for him. The four of them turned and headed back inside.

Shane wished he had some alcohol but he didn’t want to go back inside. He didn’t want to be around people tonight. He closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose to ease his impending headache. The brunette didn’t know how long he sat there for. The sound of approaching footsteps roused him from his stupor.  
He opened his eyes and saw Nicky standing in front of him. The blonde was holding two glasses of wine in his hands. He held one out to Shane but the younger boy was reluctant to accept it.

Nicky sat down beside him and offered him the glass once more. This time Shane took it into his hand. The blonde raised his glass to his lips and took a small sip. Shane simply stared into his full glass. 

“I thought about what you said, Shane” Nicky began. “But I’m not taking no for an answer this time. I love you and I want to be with you”

Shane raised his glass and downed the entire contents in one swift swig. He placed the empty glass on the ground beneath the swing then turned to look at Nicky. The blonde was still calmly sipping his drink.

“Why?” he asked. “Why do you want to be with me? After all I did… The way I treated you”  
“Because… I know you. You didn’t mean to treat my like that. You were scared. I was too. I didn’t want to be gay. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with a man… But you… I’ve never met anyone like you before. I felt the spark between us long before we started fucking. It’s still here now… I can see it in your eyes… You still look at me the way you did back then”  
“I was selfish and scared. But that’s no excuse for the way I behaved”

“Do you love me Shane?” Nicky asked him.

The brunette took Nicky’s glass from his hand and placed it on the ground beside his own. He reached out and took both of Nicky’s hands in his. They both stared down at their connected hands before looking up into each other’s eyes.

“Yes, Nicky” Shane whispered. “I do love you”  
“Oh Shay” Nicky blinked back tears.

After all this time, hearing Shane say those words to him was more than he could have hoped for. He longed to lean forward and kiss the younger boy but he was too stunned to move. His heart was pounding and his eyes were swimming with tears.

“I love you” Shane said again. He said it for himself as much as for Nicky.  
“I love you too” Nicky said.

Shane released one of Nicky’s hands then bought his own up to lightly caress the blonde’s cheek. He leaned forward, their lips moving closer together until the alarm on Nicky’s watch beeped. Shane stopped but didn’t pull away from the blonde.

“What was that?” Shane asked.  
“Fifteen minutes until the New Year begins” Nicky told him.  
“Why?”  
“Why what?”  
“Your alarm; why fifteen minutes?”  
“Well, Mark & I made a pact… To ensure we both got a midnight kiss. We set our alarms early to give us time to find someone to ring in the New Year with”  
“Considering that Mark and Kevin have been joined at the lips all night, I think it’s fair to say he’s got his midnight kiss already”  
“Yeah” Nicky laughed. “He does”  
“And yours? Who were you planning on kissing?”  
“You”  
“Me?”  
“Whether you liked it or not”

Shane pulled away and looked into the blonde’s eyes.  
“Shane?” Nicky asked. “Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine” Shane replied.  
“So, why did you pull away? I… I thought you were going to kiss me?”  
“I was”  
“Was?”

Shane smiled and brushed his thumb across Nicky’s lips. The blonde’s tongue slipped out and playfully nipped the tip. Shane grinned but didn’t pull his hand away.

“I thought you wanted a midnight kiss?” Shane asked.  
“I did… I do” Nicky insisted.  
“Well, midnight’s still fifteen minutes away”  
“You’re going to make me wait fifteen minutes?” Nicky pouted.

In one swift movement, Shane leaned in and captured Nicky’s lips with his own. The blonde closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling of his lover’s arms.

“SHANE!?” Mae cried.

The couple separated and Shane looked over to see his mother. She was staring at her son with a look of pure shock on her face. Mae crossed the yard and stopped at the edge of the gazebo.

“What… What are you doing out here?” she asked.  
“Hi Mam” he greeted her. “I was just seeing in the New Year… With my boyfriend”

He turned, looked into Nicky’s eyes and smiled lovingly at him.  
“I love you Nicky” Shane said to him.  
Nicky couldn’t believe Shane was confessing his love for him… In front of his mother! He couldn’t resist leaned forward and giving the younger boy an appreciative kiss of affection.

“That’s nice, Shane” Mae told her youngest son. “But it’s cold out here. You should come in and ring in the New Year with the people you love”  
“I’m actually okay out here, mam” Shane admitted.

She looked at her son then at Nicky. The two singers were holding hands, Shane’s other hand was on Nicky’s shoulder and they were staring at each other like they were the only two people in the world.  
“Of course you are” She smiled at the couple.  
Mae couldn’t remember the last time she’s seen her son look so happy.  
“I’ll see you two later” she turned to leave them be.

“Happy New Year, mam” Shane called to her.  
“Happy New Year, boys” She smiled again before disappearing from sight.

“So, that went okay?” Nicky asked Shane. “Telling your mam you’re gay?”  
“Yeah, it did” Shane replied. “And she’s so drunk she’s not going to remember a word of it tomorrow”  
The two of them laughed.

“Ten! Nine! Eight!”

The sound from the main house travelled to their ears and Shane turned back to Nicky.

“Seven! Six! Five!”

He reached out and placed his hand on Nicky’s neck.

“Four! Three!”

“I love you” Shane whispered.

“Two! One!”

“Happy New Year, Shay” Nicky replied.  
They leaned closer and brought their lips together in their first (and most definitely not their last) New Year’s kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Original publication date (on my now defunct 'All Things Shnicky' site): 31st December 2007


End file.
